avoiding the blog: more mind games!
Ok, ok, I admit it. I've been avoiding the blog because I haven't been eating 100% raw. Why? I STILL cannot answer that question with a good reason. My current theory is the yogurt and cheeses I've been eating. A lot of raw fooders say that eating even a little cooked foods makes it tough to kick cravings. Well, that's certainly ringing true. Plus there's the saltiness of cheese, which makes me munchy for bad things. Usually my granola and grapefruits have come to the rescue, but not always. I just downed some soy dream, as the frozen dee-serts have always been my downfall.

Well, anyway, the point of eating raw is not to beat myself up when I don't eat fully raw. I know I feel great when I am 100% and I question why I would ever want anything other than raw, but the answer -- at least a good answer -- to that question eludes me.

So let's see if I can recap: aside from my raw goat and sheep milk cheeses, and of course the yogurt, I have indeed been raw. Not too bad, I'd say. Over the weekend I made granola and almond milk, which I love dearly for breakfast.

I was sick Monday -- cruddy way to spend a sick day, being sick!! But aside from GI troubles and extreme exhaustion, nothing major really happened. I had an appetite later that evening (when I finally got out of bed) and the next day I felt fine. I think I was just worn out from 18 hours of coaching on Sunday, and I might have misinterpreted the loose bowels as bad instead of the cleansing that it most likely was. Anyway, I'm super regular now, which I won't ever complain about. Ok, well, no one likes extra potty trips while camping, but other than that...

So that's my story. Now I'm clean and honest again. Maybe I can face the blog once more. Oh, I decided that for Easter I'd eat chocolate, but organic only. Yes, the soy dream was supposed to be for Sunday and here it is only Wednesday and it's gone. The story of Nim.

FedEx just came; maybe it's a raw food order for me!!

About me: not food for once
I added a page to my home (nimango.tripod.com) that's about me when I don't think of food. My whole tripod site was supposed to be food-centered, but perhaps I should consider it more holistically. Anyway, it's there in skeleton-like detail.

Now I shall snack upon grapefruit. And all shall be yummy.

over-eating and other mind games
It's funny, but it seems that every time I go back to raw (and since May 03, that's been a lot of re-firsts) I eat non-stop the first 2 or 3 days. Actually, that's only one thing that happens without fail. The other is that my family will either a) bring home pizza as a surprise or b) gather together in some form of feasting celebration. Or both.

Anyway, yesterday it was pizza, and I did resist its siren call. Go me. But I ate cheese like it was my last refuge. I think it was the salt. I need to realize what it is my body wants, and I think yesterday it was water. As I was on the treadmill later that night, I started getting thirsty and what popped into my mind but cheese!! I kept thinking of where I could "score" my next batch of goat cheese. This time was only sheep, which was nice -- and I'll take raw cheese if it's milked from a baboon -- but I really like goat cheeses much better. Anyway, that was odd, but it clearly pointed out that I was thirsty and had given my body a nice little association between thirst and cheese. Joy.

Anyway, the cheese is gone and I need to eat more simply. Actually, I need to eat more structured. I just kept snacking all day yesterday. I mean, give your digestion a break, Nim! So today I'll fill the snacking urge with water and tea (which I should do anyway) and have a grapefruit snack at an appropriate snacking time. Plus I was bored yesterday, so yippee for eating just to do something. Yet again, all the good that fasting did for me, gone in a flourish of mindless cooked-food eating this weekend.

Ok, so that's that. Moving on. I'll make lists upon lists to fill my time, plan some meals, and maybe even do something productive to boot.

Oh, and on one other note, I'm super phlegmy today (and last night) and there is not a single doubt in my mind that it was the cow's cheese I ate. I didn't get a lot of mucous when I had goat and sheep cheeses this weekend, even with my cold. And when I was a kid, I drank goat's milk instead of cow's because of the homogenization process cow's had to go through. Something during that process set me off, and since goat's and sheep's milks have smaller fat globules, they don't separate like cow's does. I'm the freaking Scooby Doo of mucous now. Great.

raw (again) and loving it (again)
Yesterday was wonderful. I definitely overate, but I still feel great today, unlike the weekend when I overate and felt awful, emotionally and physically, the next day.

Gosh, I don't even know if I can remember everything I ate yesterday, but I'll try.

grapefruit
2 oranges
2 bananas, one rolled in crushed cacao beans and honey
raw cheese
cashews, pine nuts, and pecans (pecans are still making my stomach hurt, so I'm off those forever now! at least the shelled kind, in case it's the mold that tends to form on shelled ones)
celery with almond butter
dried apricots
veggie crackers I dried before my fast
apple with honey and cinnamon

I think that's it.

So far today I've had breakfast: apple with honey, flax seed, cinnamon, and yogurt. I need to eat the yogurt to restore the good bacteria in my colon. That's also the reason I've been eating the raw cheeses. The yogurt isn't raw. :( However!! It did start turning to cheese (I let it sit [sealed] too long in the fridge) so I think the enzymes are definitely still active, so it's a living food for sure.

Think I'll go have some now!

Why so quiet, Nim? Some explanation and sheepishness in order
Why oh why must I negate the effects of a great stretch of eating and fasting with cooked foods that honestly weren't even that great??

Ah, me.

Well, suffice to say I had a cooked dinner on the 26th, then a breakfast on the 28th (the 27th was a good raw day), and a cooked lunch on the 29th. In between, I snacked on cookies, ice cream, and straight-up chocolate!! The horror!! I honestly felt sick, like pull-the-trashcan-up-next-to-me-in-case-i-hurl sick after each meal and snack, yet I persisted. Chalk it up to experience and I'm moving on. Although I weighed in at 156, today - after packing my alimentary canal full of nothing but nutritionless c-r-a-p - i weigh 167. I know after a couple of good raw days I'll get stuff moving again and lose a good 4 pounds of "storage".

While I was travelling, my raw cacao beans, nama shoyu, and olives arrived at the house! I'm jazzed, since chocolate is so obviously one of my weaknesses. I can't wait to try raw chocolate chip cookies, and I'm jonesing for my grawnola, which I could go get started right now!

So let's see. All of March I was raw or raw fasting except these last 4 days. That bites! Obviously I'll have to try harder for April to be a shining 100% month. I can do it, starting right now! I'll take it each day, each week, then the month will roll by with no problem.

Here we go!

rock-in-tummy
ok, so nuts were a little rushed. got it. i ate about 5 pecans and maybe 2 tbl of sunflower seeds, both soaked since this morning. owie! my stomach, if it had eyes, would be glaring at me. as it is, it's beating me up with its fist-shaped pseudopods. see? i'm going crazy from the discomfort. i wouldn't say pain just yet.

burp. ew. ok, maybe it was the guac earlier. maybe.

i want to eat an apple, but i know i'm not hungry. i have to wait for all this to die down.

i guess i'll stick with those greens in the fridge that i've been avoiding. owwww.

Damn you, cooked food!
Aw, bad Nim! I couldn't resist the siren song of the stuffed grape leaves. My only saving grace is that they were organic and vegan. Dammit all! Ok, well I knew I'd be giving myself 1 day this quarter to eat junk, as if it were a gift --sheesh! That's my big nasty snack of that "day" then. I'll break it up into meals, since tonight I'm going out with friends for dinner, and I KNOW where we're going has precious few veggies, much less raw ones. That's dinner for my junk "day". Sunday will be breakfast, again with friends. And Monday will be lunch, and what a whopper it looks to be. I wonder how it will make me feel.

I felt ok after the guacamole yesterday, but it seems like it sat in my stomach a while before finally kicking in digestion. I think that's because guac takes so little chewing. I chased that with the grape leaves and some tomato juice. I reallly noticed the gross oil from the grape leaves.

My GI tract is finally moving again, so I guess that's odd but good news. I was up to 158 last night, so I'll be happy to start moving some waste out again.

Tonight, though... man, I hope I can keep my friends' nagging at bay. I know they'll want me to drink, but that's certainly something I'm not ready for yet. I've got some nuts soaking now, readying for lunch time. That'll be my first non-fruit/veggie taste in a while, too. We'll see how that goes when it's time for it to go. I can't wait to have some apples and almond butter, though. Yum!

Back to eating: slowly ramping up to "real" food
Tuesday I broke my fast, after having just juices on Monday. I started out with an orange, had another one later that afternoon, then a grapefruit that night. I had a lot of juices -- tomato and citrus -- and felt pretty good.

Wednesday I started out with juices again, adding tea for a stupid cold I started getting symptoms for the _second_ I began eating. hmmm. Again, I had grapefruit and oranges as primary foods, then added about 5 baby carrots and 3 romaine lettuce leaves (protein!). I still felt pretty good, but I might have rushed through the chewing a bit. I had another grapefruit later on, and more tea and juice.

That evening I met with some friends for dinner, telling them way in advance I probably wouldn't be eating with them. Well, I ate anyway. I ordered a plain bed of lettuce with some avocado on top. Probably a mistake as my stomach was pretty stiff later that night. The fats in the avo must have been a tough thing for a fresh tummy to figure out.

Anyway, I'm still very much enamored with the idea of having guacamole, so I brought in a lime and tomatoes for lunch today, Thursday. We'll see how I feel later on. In the meantime, I've had some (more) juice, infused with Echinacea, and more tea for this #$%$*& cold I've gotten. I still haven't busted out with the foods this morning. I'll wait until I'm actually hungry. Oh, and I weighed in at 154 this morning, which is great! Even though I'm back on foods, I haven't gained back what I was pretty sure was water loss from the fast. Of course, I do fluctuate about 5 lbs. on any given day, so that number could as easily be 159. Still good for me!

The fast is over! I'm a slim jim now.
Ok, so let me recap back to day 13, Saturday.

I was still on lemon juice, no big deal. I don't recall anything out of the ordinary.

Day 14, Sunday: I full water-fasted. This was mainly because I'd be travelling and away from my juicer, and I didn't really want to trust any of the juices they serve on planes or in restaurants. I met up with friends for brunch and they were ok with me not eating, but of course think I'm crazy. Fine. But I look fabulous! :) I started feeling a little acid-reflux-type pain that night, but just upped my water and slept through it. Of course, this made me wake up every 2 hours, but hey.

Day 15, Monday, I knew I'd be breaking the fast. I was extremely dehydrated that morning, so I just drank water until about 10am, then found a fairly reputable juice in a bottle, made sure to read the ingredients for any hidden sugar or syrups, and then watered it down about 50-50. I had another juice that afternoon (orange in the AM, grapefruit in the PM) and I could really tell afterwards that my digestion had begun to "turn on" again. I had watered the grapefruit juice down for half the bottle, then drank the rest straight. I tried making sure to chew the pulp on both drinks. I felt some hunger pangs that evening, but again drank water to quench them.

Day 16 is today, and I began to break the fast. I had juices for breakfast at full strength, then another full juice at around 10:30. At lunch I got some oranges and have now had a half of one. Only took me about 20 minutes to chew those 6 sections. :) I'll probably have a second orange today, and more juices too, then perhaps grapefruit tonight. I'm trying to stick to "mono-meals" and the same goes for the juices. Tomorrow I'll continue with citrus fruits and juices in the AM, then add some veggies by the afternoon. I'm hoping to be up to guacamole by Thursday evening, and nuts or seeds Friday morning.

I should really be taking an extra day to break this, but I'm finding it really distracting to be thinking about food so much, while travelling on business. I love the pyramid of oranges and grapefruits on my workstation, though. :) They'll undoubtedly make great breakfasts the rest of my travel.

To wrap, I feel great! Everyone who sees me says I look terrific, and I don't think it's the haircut. I've lost 28 pounds in the last 10 weeks and went from a 14/16 down to an 8. I cannot believe that one! I was mainly 12/14 really, but yesterday I walked into a store wearing a size 16 skirt and realizing it was too big (it's a new feeling for me, really, so it took a while for it to click that it was time for smaller clothes). I knew my size 12 pants, over which I rejoiced every day I slipped into them, were fitting fine so I thought that I'd just arrived at that size and that was that. However, I thought I'd try on a 10, just to see. I haven't been a 10 since before the 7th grade. Anyway, I found a pair of pants that fit well and I was happy I was so IN that pair of 10's. Nope. I looked again as I was re-hanging them and they were 8's. Wow!! Being so tall, I had no idea I could even be that size. Ever! Yay!!

Day 12: What hunger?
Last night, trying to fall asleep (which took way longer than it has this entire fast), I had the most intense hunger pangs ever! However, this morning I feel good, and although I'm still a little weak when I stand up quickly, I think overall I'm past that just-began-fasting phase. Sucks that I had to go through it twice on this fast!!

Today I decided to drink my juices in 3 big cups, rather than 6 smaller ones. I think that works. In between, I have a much better shot at getting water down, and herbal teas for detox.

I'm still jazzed about eating soon, though, which is a little sucky to do to my body. Brunch on Sunday might be a little tough, but I'll live. Then Monday I can start juices again, and maybe even on Tuesday have some fruit. Depends on my schedule, though, and when I get to go to the store. I might not have a good opportunity in the evenings. Anyway, I feel like I've come this far and there's everything to lose if I cave in, and just a little discomfort if I hang tight.

I'm thinking about cooked foods, though, but maybe it's because of my favorite cookies on the counter upstairs (thanks, honey) or the potroast in the slow-cooker. It's kind of cruel to have that smell wafting through the house, although usually it doesn't affect me. Guess it's not so cruel as it is bad timing.